Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Why I Could Join the Army

Basic Training.

Less sit-ups and long runs? More yoga and pilates? If it wasn't for the guns, I could do this! (commence your snickering now)

New York Times Article Here

where do I start?

Alright, I'm going to put it all on the table. This summer has been no "summer of love" in my book. Far from it.

First, it began with my ex letting me know he was getting engaged - just two months after he said he still loved me and asked if I was sure I didn't want to be with him. (I was sure.) While I didn't feel any real loss, it was a crushing blow. He was moving forward and I wasn't. [Side note: Someone in his family reached out to me asking if I had any pictures I could pass along for his wedding slide show. WTH?]

Second, I found out I was cheated on. Not with one other girl. Not with two other girls. But, with at least THREE other girls. That's right, I had been dating a male slut and was oblivious to it.

Last, but definitely not least, I was driving home from work one Tuesday to meet my seemingly sweet, seemingly caring boyfriend who had been in my life for a bit. And, that's when he completely blindsided me and dumped me. On. The. Phone! And, without an actual reason. Actually, he had a reason: "I think we're both awesome. I just don't think we're awesome together." Who knew I had been living an episode of Saved by the Bell this whole time?!?!

I can only hope that bad things really do come in threes and that I'm done having my heart broken for awhile. (huge, huge, huge amounts of hope!) I also hope that I'm done picking assholes to date. I mean it. Damn!

Here's to a new season. And, to the cocktails that have helped to numb the pain this summer.

Good riddance, douche bags.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

they are the reason I smile

I'd be lying if I didn't say it was a tough week. A VERY tough week that involved a lot of tears, self-reflection and uncomfortable feelings. But, this week also allowed me to see how lucky I am. Especially for the amazing women I have in my life.

My mom. Who answered the phone when I called at midnight and calmed me down. And, encouraged me to make tea while I talked to her.

My sister. Who showed up in Indy, in all her bohemian glory, and laughed with me in a queit, sunlit cafe. And then we went shoe shopping!

My friends. The friends that show up with cookies and sprinkle cuss words into the conversation when needed. The friends who can spend lazy afternoons simply laughing and telling stories. The friends whose pictures line my mantle. Our lives exist together in this weird kind of connectivity - the connectivity only girl friends can have.

This picture is a perfect example of this friendship. Laughing and loving each others company. (photo courtesy of Miss Darcie Lane)

I'm blessed. I know it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Welcome back.

Hurting, hurting.
Looking for the silver lining.
Vision crowded by my emotions.
What did I do wrong?
What is my flaw? My flaws?
Wishing for the pain to numb.
Wishing for sleep.
Wishing someone was here to hold me.
Wishing for things that aren't here. That I can't fix.
Hurting, hurting.
Back to "this place" again.

Welcome back.