Monday, February 28, 2011

What the Duck

My power went out about midnight last night. When I left for work this morning, it still wasn't back on. (that's right - try putting on eyeliner and concealer in the glow of eight flickering tea lights...)

And, while I couldn't turn my TV on at 2:30 am, I realized I didn't need it. It turns out there was an episode of Cops playing right outside my bedroom window!

I had finally fallen back asleep after a good hour of laying in bed worrying about my lack of electricity. And, my lack of white noise thanks to my fan... Then, I was ripped out of my sweet, silent slumber by yells. Yes, someone was yelling. Outside. In a thunderstorm. Yelling loud enough that I could hear him over the actual thunder. OMG.

I had to investigate! I peered out my rain-covered window to witness a young man walking down the road in only jeans, a t-shirt and a red flannel shirt. Rain jacket - what's that? And, as he was walking, he was yelling. It sounded something like this: (*words changed for the conservative and holy...)

What the duck!!!!!! What the duck is happening!?!?!?! Duck this!!!!! What the duck!!!!

Seriously? A crazy man screaming bloody murder in the middle of an apartment complex in a thunder and lightening storm in the middle of the night?? Awesome!

Then the cops showed up. "Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do!?" One of my neighbors must have been more annoyed than intrigued by this young man's antics... The cops shut him up, calmed him down and made a big production with their flashy lights and neon rain slickers. And, then, they must have told him it was time to go home.

Because, before I knew it, there was a young woman in a parka with a fur lined hood (seriously, fur in a thunderstorm?) standing in the road, ready to escort her man home. And, she came prepared. With a garbage can lid. As they couple walked back to their building, I saw her sheilding her man from the torrential rain with the lid. You know, so he wouldn't get wet....

Um, did I mention he'd be out YELLING in the RAIN for over thirty minutes?!?! What the duck.

Obviously, idiots are attracted to idiots.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Hoosier 4 Life.

I watched this video a few days ago. It made me laugh. And, it brought tears to my eyes because I long for Bloomington. When I was an undergrad, I had student season tickets every. single. year. I loved going to games!! (I won't even mention my heathen of a little sister who has only gone to a handful of games. One of them I took her to when she was in high school. No school spirit, I tell ya! Oh wait... I just mentioned it. Oh well!) And, there are countless stories surrounding my friends and me going to games. ( the time the cops drove me and Emily home from Assembly Hall....) Heck, when I was on Homecoming Court, I was asked what my biggest regret from my fours years at IU was. My response: "I regret I've never been given the chance to run with the flags at the eight minute timeout." True story! (And I STILL didn't get to run with them!)

Now, I have a confession. This Hoosier gal that bleeds Cream and Crimson is going to a Purdue basketball game this weekend. And, I'm not even taking an easy ride up 65 to see the game in Lafayette. Nope! I'm driving across the country to go to the game. SIX HOURS IN THE CAR TO GO TO A PURDUE GAME!!! OH!! MY!! GAWD!! I just keep telling myself it's just a fun weekend roadtrip with an athletic event thrown in for shit and giggles. And, there is no way in heck I'm wearing gold and black.

Hoo-Hoo-Hoo- HOOSIERS!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


A couple times a month, I mentor a group of kids who are Juniors at an "urban" high school in town. They're incredibly bright. Incredibly awesome. And, make me feel incredibly old. Case in point - below is a conversation between me and two of my mentees, D & K.

K: Dude, that show "How I Met Your Mother" is tight!
D: You know that guy who's, like, the "player" on that show? He's gay!
K: Yeah! I know!
Me: Oh, you mean Neil Patrick Harris?!
K: Yeah - that's him.
Me: Remember when he was on Doogie Howser?!?
D & K: **blank stares**

There's a whole generation that has never seen Doogie Howser M.D. And, I just tried to relate to them. FML.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dating Tales of the Under- & Un- Employed

I've been meaning to write this post for quite some time.... In fact, I think it's been building for years now.

We're all attracted to a certain "type" of person. I tend to like either really big guys with great smiles or really cut guys with a good sense of humor. I've dated them all. But, I'm beginning to realize that we attract certain types to us. The type who I seem to attract like a magnet? The ones without a stable job. I'm not wanting to sound like a shallow girl looking for her sugar daddy. I just need to describe how I dated a string of guys who either didn't work or didn't have a stable job.

There was the guy who held four different jobs while I dated him. Talk about a roller coaster.

There was the "financial planner" who couldn't build a client list and was constantly on "probation" by corporate. Last I heard, he was forced to move to the city where corporate headquarters is located and endure nine months of intensive training. (Sidenote: I have no idea if he finished his training. Nor do I care. He's a cheatin' asshole.)

There was the teacher who wasn't really a teacher. He was paid hourly - when school was in session. Which means he did not receive a paycheck during summer break. And, he constantly lamented about how broke he was. Pretty sure his good looks and boyish charm were some of the only reasons we lasted as long as we did (a summer. go figure.).

There was the guy I met in a bar. He was trained in laying tile. But... he was working a seasonal job as a landscaper for his buddy. Days it rained? He didn't work. Weeks without rain? No work as there were no lawns to be mowed.

My favorite under-/un- employed story comes from a guy I only went on one date with. We met online. He said he was a doctor on his profile. I meet him for a coffee. Turns out, he's an anesthesiologist. Scratch that - an unemployed anesthesiologist. He had quit his job.... to find himself.

I can only imagine the thoughts running through my mom's head every time I told her about a new guy I was dating:
Me: "Mom, I'm dating this new guy and he's great! So much fun to hang out with!"
Mom: "That's great, honey! I'm glad you're having fun. So, what does he do for a living?"

I would reply very enthusiastically about whatever oddball job the guy of the moment was holding down. I'm always the optimist... I'm sure she was rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone. Actually, it was my mom who brought to my attention the string of guys I'd dated who didn't really have a job. She even asked, "Honey, do you put 'have a big heart for those on hard times' in your dating profile?" Ha!

Thanks, Mom! Honestly - I needed that realization! And, I promise - I'm working on it.

Disclaimer: I'm in a great relationship with a great guy. And, he really likes his job. And, he's good at what he does. :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


Let's face it. We're an online world. And, I'm no stranger to all that is the internet.

I check my email ALL. THE. TIME. online.

I post Facebook statuses frequently online.

I buy most of my gifts online.

I bank online. (Today, I bought some stock online.)

I search for recipes online.

I search for coupons online.

Heck, I even found my boyfriend online! (thanks,!)

Today, I tried something new. I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I have about fifteen pounds I'd like to lose. If I can get some encouragement via the web (and for a nominal fee), well then, I'll take it! Here's to counting points in 2011!

(P.S. - It's only the first day and already my cravings for some cheese are ridiculous. I'm a cheese addict.)
(P.P.S. - I stayed BELOW my points limit for the day!)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Rocky Mountain High

I was driving West tonight. It was dark. The clouds were hanging low. They were illuminated from behind by the sun that had already left my little place in the world. And, my eyes tricked my mind into thinking there was a mountain range in front of me. Cue goosebumps. And, this feeling of content from deep within my heart.

I have always been enchanted by them. Mountains. Maybe that's where my soul needs to be. And my body needs to follow. But, how do I get there? What am I willing to give up in order to feel that kind of contentedness more often?