Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Oh. My. Hell.

Dear City of Indianapolis,

That white stuff that's been falling from the sky this past week? That's called snow. And, it's a pretty common occurrence this time of year in this part of the world. So, if it's so common, why are you and your 60 snowplows having trouble clearing the roads??

Seriously. I know there are a lot of roads to plow, but I would like to see a bit more effort. Driving on slippery slush does not mean the roads are clean. It just means everyone is going to slip that much more as they turn in an intersection.

Also, I finally realized something: your inefficiency to clear the roads has bred an entire city of stupid drivers. They either drive too fast and then can't stop or they drive so slow a tortoise could pass them on the left. Those Indy residents who learned to drive in Indy and have lived here their whole lives really lose all skill once the snow starts to fall.

And, because of the slush and the stupid drivers, commutes that normally take thirty minutes now take an hour and half. I HATE sitting in my car that long in the morning! In fact, I've taken to doing bizarre things as I sit in traffic and look at brake lights (writing to-do lists and exercising a certain "muscle" comes to mind...)

With that said, I'd like to take a moment to proudly proclaim that I am a Region Rat. This title means that I not only say all my vowels in my nose and know where the Perogi/Pork/Blueberry/Popcorn Festival takes place each year, but I also grew up experiencing lake effect snow that would inevitably dump inches upon inches of snow on Lake, Porter and LaPorte County. ALL. THE. TIME.

This also means that I learned how to drive during the cruel and nasty winters in the Region. I even mastered the fine art of sliding through a stoplight at just the right moment so that my car wouldn't spin out. That takes some mad skill! (Sidenote: my driving instructor father would not be proud of my running a light, but he is VERY proud of my snow driving abilities. And, he knows how crappy Indy is with snow removal, so he gifted me special snow tires this year! Thanks, Pops!)

So, as I look out my window at the slush covered streets and not-so-secretly dream of warm days and flip flops, I rest assured knowing that I can take those mean streets. It's everyone else that pisses me off.

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